Career
What Rats Can Teach Us About Risk Taking
- by Holly Burton
My wonderful colleague, Dr. Kristen Liesch, is fed up. She's had it up to here with the thousands of articles on the internet that claim that the missing link between women and their wildly successful careers is confidence. If only women were more confident, these articles implore, then we would finally have more women than dudes named John as CEOs of major companies.
Cool Story, Bros.
Last year, Kristen, dedicated diversity and inclusion professional that she is, decided to see what women actually think about this. She started a survey (take it here) and got some responses that I'm sure will resonate with many of y'all:
Yikes, some of that sounds too familiar.
In general, I'm sick of this discussion that women lack confidence. Bleh. Gaslighting by googled advice, once again!
I can say confidently (ha!) that with all of the studies we have that expose systemic bias in its many forms, women are not 99% of the way to success, and missing that last, crucial piece about confidence.
*eye roll*
Having said that, I also notice that women I coach do sometimes struggle with confidence. And it's funny, because most of them are super competent and exceptionally confident around most things at work and in life. But then I notice all of these little behaviours in them that tell a different story....
Rats
We'll come back to my clients in a second, but first let's talk about rats.
Let's imagine we have some rats enclosed by an invisible electric fence. The rats are free to run around and play but when they run too far, they run into the invisible fence - ZZZT! - and they get zapped. Let's also imagine that the fence is constantly shifting and moving. Where it was yesterday isn't always where it will be today, and so the rats are always accidentally running into the invisible fence and getting shocked. For these poor rats, the rules of the game (the limits of the fence) change all the time.
Rats are smart little rodents, and they don't love being zapped. So, they adapt. To stay safe, they'll stay near the center of the enclosed area, well away from the limits of what's allowed. And, even if it would be more fun, they definitely never run around. Why would they? They might run head first into electrocution! Maybe walking or a nap would be safer. So the rats live smaller, more circumscribed lives. And that trade off lets them avoid being shocked.
Pretty smart, actually.
Y'all, My Clients Are All Rats.
Not literally, of course. My clients are ambitious women leaders in male-dominated industries. But they are basically rats when it comes to confidence.
My clients, just like the rats, have gotten zapped repeatedly over the course of their careers for not properly fitting into all of the catch-22s that women are subjected to:
- Not speaking up / Speaking up too much
- Being a perfectionist / Not doing her work perfectly enough
- Not being direct enough / Being perceived as a too-direct b*tch
Those catch-22s and the criticism that comes with them are their version of the constantly shifting invisible electric fence.
In response to all of that constant criticism, these amazing women shrink. They try to change their behaviour to avoid being zapped again. Just like the rats, they make their lives smaller and more circumscribed. They stay, not just within the limits of the fence, but well inside of where the fence ever has been to minimize their zapping risk.
Just like it is for the rats, it's a smart strategy.
But It Sucks To Be a Rat
Even though my clients have a strategy that keeps them safe from being zapped, it's not ideal.
The challenge is that the response to the shocks -- taking less risk, living less fully -- is sometimes more restricting than the fence itself.
And that breaks my heart.
What I see with my clients is that, eventually, the electric fence doesn't even really matter anymore. They're so sick of being shocked that they never venture near it. You could tear down the fence and put up a neon sign that said freedom for rats, this way! and they would still stay in their safe zone, far away from where the fence used to be.
To avoid the pain of being zapped, lots of smart, driven women take up way less space than they can actually get away with.
Ouch.
The Rat & Fence Confidence Problem
The invisible electric fence of catch-22s sucks. It's unjust. These double standards shouldn't exist, and thousands of structures in our workplaces, homes, and culture need to shift to eliminate it.
The fence is hard to solve. We need to involve basically the entirety of our society to make measurable changes. Call me in six or seven lifetimes and we should have that wrapped up.
Now, before you get all terminally morose on me at the tail end of this long long article, let me add some light at the end of the tunnel:
Even if we can't fix the fence immediately, we can change the behaviour of the rat.
The rat is us!
The rat and its safety strategies are totally within our control. Even though a lot of the problem is out there -- that damn invisible electric fence -- we actually have a part to play in creating our boring, small rat careers.
Time after time, I watch my clients act like the strategically safe rats and hold themselves well back from the fence.
Safe Rats In Action
I had a conversation some time ago with a senior woman who nervously confessed that she really wanted to be on a board. In 5-7 years. FIVE TO SEVEN YEARS. Being on a board was her big dream. She wanted it so much it was scary to admit, and she wanted to wait for nearly two sets of Olympics to go by before she'd let it happen. Can you imagine if Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir had this philosophy?
She was scared about what people would think. Would she be seen as too ambitious? Would people think she wasn't ready? Too arrogant? She heard the ZZZT of the invisible electric fence in her mind, and decided it was safer to wait until she would undeniably deserve the post.
Safe Rat Mode activated!
The Rat That Does Cool Stuff
Being the safe rat is so, so relateable. We're making decisions that keep us from getting hurt, and the fence isn't going anywhere, so who can blame us?
But what if you're the bored out of your mind rat? What if you're the has way more potential than this rat? Or the has amazing ideas that would make this company millions if only they would actually listen to them rat?
Suddenly the safe rat doesn't sound so hot.
If you want to be the rat that does cool stuff, here's some homework to break out of safe mode:
Homework #1
Identify a way that you're holding yourself back for fear of getting zapped.
What great ideas have you not said in meetings? How are you holding back from leading your team the way you know you should because it's not the right time to challenge them? What position do you want but haven't applied for? What should you have said that you haven't dared to yet?
Homework #2
Step 20% further outside of your comfort zone in that area than you normally would.
Say the great idea at the next meeting. Have the challenging conversation with your team member today (not in a week and a half when your schedule is more free). Stick your hand up for the role (or get a friend to nominate you.)
Give those pieces of homework a try this week. Try to stretch yourself a little and see if you get zapped.
Spoiler Alert: Most of my clients don't get zapped doing this homework.
Feeling a bit nervous? Awesome. That lump in your throat means you're on to something interesting. Give it a shot. You can always go back to being the safe rat next week.
And hey, if still you're struggling step outside of your safe zone, you can always remember the immortal words of Men Without Hats in their hit song The Safety Rats:
'Cause those rats don't dance, and if they don't dance, then they're no friends of mine.
